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雅思大作文范文
2019-07-01 14:59   作者:章跃   阅读量:

  分享雅思考试大作文真题范文。每一篇范文都经由专业团队反复校对,最终外教审查定稿。成功就是日复一日那一点点小小努力的积累。

  

  今天,我们继续通过拆解(原创)范文的方式理解雅思大作文的行文思路,达到理想的 Coherence and Cohesion – How well your thoughts and the pieces of information are connected.

  

  

  2019年6月22日雅思考试真题

  As countries develop, more and more people buy and use their own cars.Do you think the advantages of this trend for individuals outweigh its disadvantages for the environment?

  虽然我们今天讲解的主题是大作文的CC ,但是关于审题还是需要多一句嘴。

  * 审题时注意:对于个人的好处是否大于对于环境的坏处,而对于个人的坏处不在题目问题意义之内

  Worldwide, car ownership is increasing, and the increase in some countries is tremendous. [建立CC的方式之一:词性变化:前半句的动词分词increasing到后半句变成对应的名词increase。] However, the benefits for individuals of the trend can hardly offset the harm to the environment. [好的CC也要求大家在行文时不出现/极少出现废话,那么,我们就可以在introduction的第二句立刻直接表明立场。]

  Car owners benefit from driving. [进入主体部分的The first句话,很短,但是意思明确。好的CC要求话语简洁达意。] Immediately after a person purchases a car, traveling is no longer subject to the timetables or routes of buses or trains, or the availability of taxis. [在The first句表明要谈论benefits之后,迅速直接说明benefit是什么。好的CC都是信息进展很快,没有赘述的。] Instead, [准确恰当的逻辑连接词。这是好的CC的必备。] people travel as they please. In addition, [准确恰当的逻辑连接词。这是好的CC的必备。] sitting on the driver’s seat may be more comfortable than standing in a cramped and crowdedcompartment of a bus or a train. [如果一句话就把事情说清楚了,那就不要故意增加废话。赘述和赘肉一样令人不悦。好的CC就是没有赘述,赘述分散读者的注意力。]

  On the other hand, [准确恰当的逻辑连接词。这是好的CC的必备。] cars are not friendly to the environment, making our cities and towns less habitable. [如果接下来有数个点要讨论,那么序数词可以帮助读者明确内容的结构。这也是好的CC的必需。] First, cars emit pollutants, many of which are highly toxic. Meanwhile, [准确恰当的逻辑连接词。这是好的CC的必备。] the carbon emissionsprove to be a major cause for the current unfavorable climate change around the globe. Cars also [不要小看这个also,也行文至此的必备。说明这是不利之处的第二点。] produce noises. Drivers inevitably use the horns, and the noise is irritating. Even though [这个让步关系的连词短语很重要。在此之后的内容应对了上一句的内容,又与主句的内容形成了逻辑关系。] the use of horns may be strictly prohibited in some zones in some cities, the car engine generates sounds that are annoying. A noisy environment is certainlyundesirable. [好的CC需要行文的内容有进展性的顺延。这句话,把讨论顺延到了本段的关键:不利,这一点从选词undesirable可以看出。] In addition, [准确恰当的逻辑连接词。这是好的CC的必备。] the large traffic volume, even if the cars go in an orderly fashion, causes displeasure and upsets people. [行文时,内容从笼统宽泛到具体详细,也是常见的CC搭建方式。此处前一句的两个关键词displeasure 和upset在下一句中有说到“为什么”(即下一句的状语部分)。] Having so many cars lining up on the road, [看,就是这个状语部分说到了“为什么”。] a city feels crowded and uncomfortable.

  In conclusion, the worldwide increase in the ownership of private cars is a controversial phenomenon. It may be good for individuals as they have cars and thus are independent in traveling and travel with comfort. [如果可以把段落里的内容浓缩成短语形式,措辞简洁高效不过度重复,CC会好。]However, the advantages cannot compare to the damage caused to the environment. [该笼统的地方就笼统,不过度重复之前的信息。]


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