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雅思写作范文

2011-12-30 00:00     供稿单位: 互联网    

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剑六G类的B篇考官范文
  范文:剑六, P172
  Using a computer every day can have more negative than positive effects on young children。
  Do you agree or disagree?
  I tend to agree that young children can be negatively affected by too much time spent on the computer every day. This is partly because sitting in front of a screen for too long can be damaging to both the eyes and the physical posture of young child, regardless of what they are using the computer for。
  However, the main concern is about the type of computer activities that attract children. These are often electronic games that tend to be very intense and rather violent. The player is usually the “hero” of the game and too much exposure can encourage children to be self-centered and insensitive to others。
  Even when children use a computer of other purposes, such as getting information or emailing friends, it is no substitute for human interaction. Spending time with other children and sharing non-virtual experiences is an important part of a children’s development that cannot be provided by a computer。
  In spite of this, the obvious benefits of computer skills for young children cannot be denied. Their adult world will be changing constantly in terms of technology and the Internet is the key to all the knowledge and information available in the world today. Therefore it is important that children learn at an early age to use the equipment enthusiastically and with confidence as they will need these skills throughout their studies and working lives。
  I think the main point is to make sure the young children do not overuse computers. Parents must ensure that their children learn to enjoy other kinds of activity and not simply sit at home, learning to live in a virtual world。
  研习过程:范文原句→启示→对写作的影响(模仿句)
  1. 观点不
  a。范文原句:
  I tend to agree that young children can be negatively affected by too much time spent on the computer every day。
  b。启示:这句话中用到了tend to agree 这个短语,表示“倾向于同意”,表现出不的语气。
  c。对写作的影响(模仿范句):
  I am inclined to think that…; I tend to believe that…
  2。措辞严谨
  a范文原句: This is partly because sitting in front of a screen for too long can be damaging to both the eyes and the physical posture of young child, regardless of what they are using the computer for。
  b。启示:副词partly,貌似简单,但是实际上大多数考生没有用过。这个副词虽小,但是表达的意思是:这里列举的原因只是一部分,体现出了写作的严谨。
  c。对写作的影响(模仿范句):
  中文例句:因为道路体系不好,所以大城市堵车。
  未模仿前:The traffic congestion is because of the poor road system。
  模仿后:The traffic congestion is partly because of the poor road system。
  类似表达:be largely due to
  3。对抽象名词的解释、举例,细化抽象名词:
  a。范文原句: Even when children use a computer of other purposes, such as getting information or emailing friends…
  b. purpose比较抽象,such as getting information or emailing friends属于对purpose内容的解释,通过对抽象名词的细化,一方面可以把凑点字数,把句子写得比较长,另一方面,使得句子更细节化。
  c。对写作的影响(模仿范句):
  中文例句1:有些技术会有负面影响。
  未模仿前:Some technologies are of negative impact. →
  模仿后:Some technologies, such as weapons of mass destruction, are of negative impact。
  类似细化抽象名词的表达:from…to…; whether…or…;
  中文例句2.:我在中国的那几年,有机会跟中国的翻译们紧密地合作。
  未模仿前:During those years when I was in China, I had the opportunity to work closely with Chinese translators. →
  模仿后:During those years when I was in China, I had the opportunity to work closely with Chinese translators, from beginners fresh out of school to those most capable senior professors。
  例句3.:政府该重视教育。
  未模仿前:Governments should attach great importance to education.→
  未模仿后:Governments, whether rich or poor, should attach great importance to education。
  4。积累漂亮词汇:(1)精彩词汇(2)主题词汇
  (1)精彩词汇
  a。范文原句: Too much exposure can encourage children to be self-centered and insensitive to others。
  b:启示: exposure 用得非常地道,一般考生不会想到,同时这个词做主语,构成了无灵主语(非人称开头)。
  c。对写作的影响(模仿范句):
  中文例句:小孩在网络上接触到太多不良信息对他们的成长不好。
  未模仿前:If children get access to too much undesirable information on the Internet, then it would undermine their personal growth. / Gaining too much undesirable information on the Internet would undermine their personal growth。
  模仿后:Heavy exposure to undesirable information on the Internet would undermine the personal growth of children。
  (2)主题词汇(电视电脑类话题): self-centered, insensitive
  5。积累精彩句型:
  a。范文原句: Their adult world will be changing constantly in terms of technology
  b。此句写得很地道,句型精彩,而且适合模仿,in terms of 后可跟不同的词。
  c。对写作的影响(模仿范句):
  中文例句:当今世界,科技进步日新月异。
  模仿前:In contemporary society, science and technology are advancing rapidly→
  模仿后:The world we are living in is changing constantly in terms of science technology。(in terms of globalization / urbanization / fashion…)
  英语写作能力的提高是一个长期的系统工程,上面所展示的对范文语言的研习和模仿只是其中一个片段。尽管如此,这种研习和模仿范文的思路和方法却是提高写作能力的根本途径之一。若雅思考生能多给写作留点备考时间,注重积累,将上述方法其融入到自己的学习实践中,夯实语言基础,便能真正实现从输入到输出的升华,不仅顺利通过雅思考试,而且还使得英语写作成为一项伴随一生的技能。
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