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3分钟学会一个雅思7分句系列(五十九)
2020-10-15 15:45   作者:新航道   阅读量:

应对


Some people prefer famous brands of clothing, cars and other items. What are the reasons? Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?


这个题目



学生在主体部分某段第一句写了下面这句话:


When facing a variety of products, well-known brands become some people’s first option since brands usually stands for its quality and advancement, having longer years of accumulations and researches.



修改后如下:


When consumers are facing a variety of products, well-known brands are some’s first choice, as they, with years of production experience, are sold on better practicality and durability.


▲ 原文两处分词短语结构,分别充当时间状语(facing a variety of products)和原因状语(having longer years of accumulations and researches),但facing句的逻辑主语“people”和主句主语“brands”未保持一致,having句原因状语成分置于句末(位于句首更符合用语习惯)。


▲ 调整后,为时间状语添上主语consumers,设置with复合结构作原因插入在句中。


▲ since通常表已知的原因,句子重心放在主句上,因此调整成as引导的原因状语,侧重点偏移至所分析的原因上。


▲ advancement 提升/晋升,用词不准,修改为practicality and durability实用性和耐用性


▲ be sold on 以…为卖点


 小总结 


观点论证中,明确句子的侧重点也很重要,句子成分轻重颠倒的话更会句不达意,论证的力度就相应弱了。


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