「Understanding & Grouping」
「Rephrase + Overview」- Original Version
The pies illustrate + the percentage of three nutrients in daily meals– breakfast, lunch, dinner, and snacks – all of which may lead to unhealthy physical conditions if consumed excessively. (all of which = meals à 信息失真，指代模糊，不妥！)
「Rephrase + Overview」- Improved One
The pies illustrate + the percentage of three nutrients (sodium, saturated fat, and added sugar), the excessive consumption of which in four respective meals will render people unhealthy. Overall, the absorption of three elements in lunch and breakfast is quite balanced while that in dinner and snacks is quite imbalanced.
<根据颜色划分，分组信息已经十分明确了。topic sentence:=""> Most noticeably, when
Americans have breakfast and lunch, the proportions of three categories of
nutrients nearly approximate to each other.
<两者之中肯定存在着一个更符合中心句逻辑的信息点> Breakfast is most noteworthy,
since the three nutrients all rank proportionally
last in consumption, with roughly
By stark contrast, <抽象n.作主语> a huge disparity can be found between dinner and snacks. è <细节阐释disparity是怎么产生的？> To be more specific, dinner stands out, as + its sodium and saturated fat both account for over one third while a mere one fifth is constituted by added sugar. <句间的逻辑关系不能忘> The same situation also applies to snacks. à To specify, <和差关系= top="" 1=""> 2 + 3> slightly over two fifths of added sugar is absorbed, whoseproportion is still larger than the total number of both sodium (14%) and saturated fat (21%).
People can eat a variety of food that can be grown in other areas. As a result, people eat more food produced in other regions than local food. Discuss the advantageous and disadvantages.
With the transportation and preservation techniques innovated, people can eat more foreign food than local one. I personally regard such phenomenon quite advantageous, despite some flaws.
<先小让一步-消费外来品的坏-2点> The most threatening one is that the local food industry may be heavily impacted. This is because with the demand of local food decreasing, the overall production will shrink accordingly, which will further incur the unemployment of some local producers. Meanwhile, when locals consume foreign food, which is highly likely expensive <定语从句要会写>, more daily bills are required, which burdens their life. // <抓紧转折-上述问题其实都可以规避> However, the above-mentioned problems are no big deal since government can make every effort to protect local food producers’ rights from being violated to ensure their sound survival. The local inhabitants can also be reminded of their consumptive behavior to evade blind consumption. In this case, the local food market will never be dominated by exotic food.
<开始正式交代消费舶来食物的具体好处> In essence, the moderate
consumption of <主题词替换的事儿，就不必笔者反复唠叨了> extraneous food can
introduce an array of benefits.
At this point, the conclusion is fairly crystal-clear. The demerits of consuming foreign food, compared with the corresponding merits, are rathermarginal.更多雅思写作干货敬请关注新航道雅思考试频道