雅思写作高分范文及深度点评

雅思小作文中的流程图题，常让很多考生感到无从下笔：步骤多、顺序性强，稍不留神就会写得杂乱无章。其实，只要抓住一般现在时、被动语态以及连接词这三条主线，再参照一篇成熟的范例，就很容易找到章法。下面，我们就借一篇雅思写作高分范文及深度点评，来完整梳理一下流程图作文的拆解与写法。

例文分析：

【高分范文及深度点评】

The diagram shows the stages in the process of making chocolate.(所有的小作文第一句话都要用一般现在时。流程图必备三个词：process整个过程;stage阶段;step步骤)

Chocolate comes from the cacao tree, which is grown in parts of South America, Africa and Indone新航道.(开头不能一上来就直接介绍cacao tree,而是通过主题词chocolate引出，否则显得太唐突)

【流程图特点之一：介绍过程要使用一般现在时】

【流程图特点之二：大量使用定语从句，将有关联的两句话连接。】

【流程图特点之三：大量使用被动语态】The tree produces large red pods which contain white cocoa beans.

【流程图特点之四：使用一些表示顺序的连接词】when the pods are ripe, they are harvested, the beans are removed and they are fermented for several days in large wooden boxes.(三个句子的并列：“句子A,句子B and 句子C”。)

During the fermenting process, the beans turn brown.

【流程图特点之五：要适当地添加个别图中没有交代但能从图片中直接读出来的一些内容，否则可能达不到字数要求。但是一定要把握尺度，千万不要加上自己的主观观点，否则会扣分】

Next, the brown beans are spread in the sun to dry. They are then put in large sacks and transported by train or lorry. After this, the beans are taken to a chocolate factory where they are roasted in an oven at temperatures of between 250 and 350 degree Celsius.

After being roasted, the beans are crushed and the outer shell is removed. This part is not needed for making chocolate. Finally, the inner part of the bean is pressed and liquid chocolate is produced.

【流程图特点之六：一般不需要写总结】

【满分范文】

The process by which bricks are manufactured for the building industry can be outlined in seven consecutive steps. First the raw material, clay, which was just below the surface of soil in certain clay-rich areas has to be dug up by a digger.

Then the lumps of clay are placed on a metal grid in order to break up the big chunks of clay into much smaller areas, which fall through the metal grid onto a roller, whose motion further segregates the bits of clay. Sand and water are added to make a homogenous mixture, which is then either formed in moulds or cut into brick-shaped pieces by means of a wire cutter.

Those fresh bricks are then kept in a drying oven for at least 24 and a maximum of 48 hours, several dozens if not hundreds of bricks at a time. The dried bricks are then transferred to a so-called kiln, another type of high temperature oven. First they are kept at a moderate temperature of 200 ℃ -1300 ℃. This process is followed by cooling down the finished bricks for 48 to 72 hours in a cooling chamber.

Once the bricks have cooled down and have become hard, they get packaged and delivered to their final destination, be it a building site or storage.

(215 words)

回到开头那句话：流程图确实有它的固定套路，但套路并不是死记硬背的模板。只要在动笔前理清每个环节之间的关系，写作时记得多用定语从句衔接、多用被动语态保持客观，并按照顺序一步步推进，就能把看似复杂的图画转化成有条理的文章。希望这份雅思写作高分范文及深度点评，能够让你下次面对流程图时更加从容。