Some people say that the only reason for learning a foreign language is in order to travel to or work in a foreign country. Others say that these are not the only reasons why someone should learn a foreign language. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
应对上面这个题目，学生在正文写了如下一句话：
For example, a student who study abroad should use a foreign language in a lot of aspects as he or she is involved in a specific environment. He or she need to use the foreign language to write papers, discuss professional questions with tutors or classmates, take part in social activities and so on.
我们首先会关注到以下这些问题：
* 举例冗长，足足花了约60个单词，结果就是，段落重心偏移至这个“小故事”上，而不是例子前的分论点，例子就失去了它作为论证证据的作用;
* 措辞口语化，选词随意;
* 表述模糊，包括a lot of aspects, a specific environment等。
教师修改后如下：
New language sets up children for their future academic study. Acquiring English, a global language, for example, enables them to continue tertiary education as it has become the major language of monographs and academic forum.
解析：
* 信息浓缩，丰富语义，让例子核心信息成为句子的主干：acquiring English enables them to continue tertiary education，这样语义丰富的一个长句子印证前面的观点;
* 信息浓缩，“写论文、和导师讨论专业问题、参加社会活动”等一系列流水账式的内容，改写为“English has become the major language of monograph and academic forum”;
* 精 准选词，词汇的选取要避免口语化，词义要精 准;
* set up for 为…作准备
* acquire习得
* enable 使能够
* tertiary education 大学教育
* monograph 专著
* academic forum 学术讲座
