9月7日大作文题目
Some people say that the economic growth is the only way to end world poverty and hunger; while some say that economic growth is harmful to the environment, so we must stop it now.
Discuss both of the views and give your own opinion.
高分范文
Although pharmaceutical sales make trillions of dollars every year, it is unfair to say that pharmaceutical companies rake in money and do nothing else. As a matter of fact, many of the companies fare with good ethics and global citizenship, and are rather generous in developing medications to help poor countries. That does not conflict with their business nature.
习作（黑色）--- 修改（橘色）：
Admittedly, economic growth needs to exploit energy and build plants which may produce pollution and damage the environment 措辞方式/说法可以变一变→ pollution often comes with economic growth, and humans often rob the environment of natural resources ←动词概念更形象. For instance, in some countries, severe deforestation is attributed to ←动词是句子的核心，选用这个动词词组，会让人误解为句子想表达的是“因果关系”，其实肯定想表达的是“发生了什么不好的事情”，所以用→ happens because of excessive logging for constructing houses 当动词后的宾语不明确的时候，把动词变成名词→ construction or manufacturing. However, it does not mean that economic growth should be stopped. As a matter of fact, recent years have witnessed a growing trend that countries developing green economy, and such as using clean energy and producing energy-saved energy-efficient machines those counties have seen a harmonious relation between the development of economy and environmental preservation. ←措辞方式/说法可以变一变 is promoted in recent years and the awareness of protecting environment is improved among people.
习作（黑色）--- 修改（橘色）：
In fact, it is only when a nation has enough wealth that the nation’s people do not struggle with poverty or hunger. ← 强调原因状语的强调句。economic growth can promote the development of productivity. When the economy is booming grows, a country may have enough resource to allocate to each individual citizen. Having enough resource, individuals can lead a proper life. ← 道理很简单，说不了太多的时候，补充一句到两句（不能更多）的例子 → For example, China is reducing poverty through its increasingly prosperous economy, and rarely do the developed countries have the problem of poverty despite their insignificantly small poor populations. companies will spend more money on technology and add more productive lines which help to cultivate high productive breed and produce more grain. For instance, Chinese companies get much financial support due to booming economy, so they develop high yield rice which eradicates starvation in many areas. So if it is in a down economy, companies will not have money to do that. What is more In addition, employment growth ←动词是句子的核心，选用这个动词词组，会让人误解为句子想表达的是“因果关系”，其实肯定想表达的是“经济发展”，所以用→ grows is attributed to as a result of economic growth. When every individual has a job that pays well, how would it be possible that they are poor? ←措辞方式的灵活，用反问句表达陈述句的意思。Simultaneously, people cannot deny that a job bring income and it may let them get rid of poverty. For example, in 2008 financial crisis, the economies of many countries had been hit hard and their unemployment rate rose sharply which lead to a large number of people on the verge of poverty. So, only economic growth can solve poverty and starvation. Meanwhile, hunger will be eliminated with the development of economy. In some countries, with agrarian economy – the agricultural sector of the economy –developing, their populations are well fed ← be fed是形象的措辞。by their agriculture.
习作（黑色）--- 修改（橘色）：
In conclusion, although the development of economy will lead may cause some environment problems, people are trying their best to decrease influence the damage is being minimized. At the same time Instead, people must choose the way of developing rely on the growth of economy to end as the only solution to poverty and famine for the three reasons mentioned because high productivity and employment are necessary to solve those questions. ←当主体部分的概念很难被浓缩为词汇的时候，就干脆笼统总结全文。
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